Hi and welcome to the fun page of, The
St.Helens Computer Club, as with all clubs you have to look
at running the club from a serious point of view, but that should
not stop you having a bit of humour in the club.
And that is what this page is all about, you will
find creative and humourous content produced and aimed at various
club members, all in good fun hope you enjoy.
Due to current
economic conditions and the rising price of energy bills the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice.
40 years of marriage I've only found two faults with the wife, The
things she does and the things she says.
They have a lot of data but are
A better model is always just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
It is always necessary to have a backup.
They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
Big power surges knock them out for the night.
They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem.
Picky, picky, picky.
No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Beauty is only shell deep.
When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.
Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
Always turning simple statements into big productions.
Smalltalk is important.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.
They make you take the garbage out.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to anyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The message “bad command or file name” is about as informative as
“If you don’t know what is wrong, then I’m not going to tell you.”
Parrots of the Cloth
A lady goes
to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, But they
only know to say one thing.
''What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
''That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.....
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your
problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to
pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the
cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no
''Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day,
She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....
As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes,
The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence...
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other
male parrot and says,
"Put the beads
Our prayers have been answered"!